Motivation

I fast walked another 30 minutes yesterday, and I must admit at one point there (just one) it felt kind of good. I was enjoying it. That made me think that I had better enjoy whatever lifestyle changes I make, because it's too damn hard to voluntarily starve yourself or repeatedly do fitness activities that you find mind numbingly boring. So I wont starve myself, I wont do 3 hours a day of weightlifting, and I wont stand on the scale every half hour wondering why the number hasn't gone down. It seems to me that it makes no sense to put these obstacles of boredom and starvation between me and my goal.

Last Sunday I weighed the most I've ever weighed. And the sheer disgust of that motivates me. So does the fear of getting even fatter, having an even longer road to recovery and diet than I do right now. padme and my kids motivate me; I want to be there for them, not cut my life short through my own foolishness with food and lifestyle choices. I hate how I look, the lack of energy; all this motivates me. Here's a good article on 17 reasons to get fit if you need more reasons.

I'm truly, truly hoping that fewer obstacles combined with some important motivations will spell success; there really isn't any other good option.

Anakin

The M and M's diet

I saw a funny link this morning about a new weight loss plan...the M and M's diet. *smiles* It made me smile a lot. Those chocolate M and M's are always so tempting and yummy. I could so easily go on one of those kinds of diets. lol. Yum!! I'd have no problems sticking to it with eating those little yummy treats! I have always loved M and M's. It doesn't matter what kind...peanut and almond and chocolate...they are all so good! I can never just have one...I have to usually have a whole bag. I've even got a special M and M bowl just for them from Las Vegas at the M and M store.

Yesterday I was pms'ing so bad and I called my ex husband to do me a favor. I asked him if he could pick up a bag of M and M's for me as I was having pms and a strong chocolate craving. He was coming out anyways to pick up our daughter and Master Anakin didn't want to drive out just to get chocolate. I was so excited! Then my ex shows up and hands me this tiny bag of plain M and M's. I was a bit shocked. lol. I was expecting one of those $2.99 bags so I could pig out. I handed him the loonie for it and tried to split the bag with skywalker and Master Anakin. So I didn't get many M and M's. Maybe that's a good thing though. :) You'd think my ex husband would remember my chocolate cravings during pms. lol.

My period has started full force today. The spotting got into a heavy flow earlier this morning. It got to the point I needed tylenol. I don't like to take a lot of medications as they affect my stomach. Yuck!! Just in time for the long weekend too. Major bummer. :( Today is my last day I can eat crappy and drink alcohol. I start sober in September tommorow. I've got a half bottle of merlot just waiting for me for tonight. I drank the other half last night to relax after a stressful hot day.

I start my detox kit tommorow and I start my strict diet. So today I'm having no rules. I plan to eat what I want and get it all out of my system. I found out a few minutes ago that I am going out for brunch with my in-laws. They are taking my son and I out before taking us to the skytrain. I'm taking Skywalker down to North Vancouver today to meet his Daddy. We are going to take the sea bus which is a neat boat to the Lonsdale Quay and do some shopping and eating there. I love my organic coffee from Coffee's around the world. I also love my fish and chips there. The good thing is I can also shop for fresh veggies and fruits there at the vendors at the Quay. They sell some really fresh organic produce there that is great for my strict diet.

I better jump in the shower. I am looking forward to getting out for the day today. I've been stuck inside a lot with my kid's and I am excited to head down to North Van. There is always so much to do and see there. I think about moving there a lot too...

Tommorow is all begins...the journey for better health and weight loss and diet...

May the force be with you.

~padme amidala

Don't wanna

The kitty in this icon says it all for me today. LOL. I just don't wanna work out...I don't wanna eat good....I don't wanna do much of anything but lay around being lazy today. It's too hot today and I am having the beginning of pms today so I just feel crappy and having some cramps and feel like crap. I wanna eat chocolate and have merlot and just be blah!! That's exactly how I feel right now.

I am planning to start my detox diet and Recleanse kit on the 1st of September so I am just going to let today and tommorow go and get over this pms first and hopefully get some energy back to start my walking again. The thoughts of walking in this heat right now are so unappealing to me. I want to sit out in the sunshine and not do anything. I promised myself my posts here would be extremely honest about my weight and what I am feeling and doing in terms of exercise and diet. During bad days too...I plan to post about it and try to figure out where things are going wrong.

I am currently at 198 pounds. I'm not yet at my highest weight ever but getting closer and if I don't do anything about my weight soon...I'll get there by the end of the year I'm sure if I follow the path I did in the summer with a crappy diet and not walking. So it's time to get serious on Sept. 1st and start my detox diet and walking and my detox kit and getting sober for a month.

Long weekend is coming up and a fresh start on Saturday. I better enjoy these last two days before I get down to business and the new rules start and I will be getting focused on getting healthier.

May the force be with you.

~padme amidala

The diet begins...

I already did a long post on Journey to the Darkside for HNT today and also a quiz for my other blog, padme's devotions. I'm worn out. lol. I really would like to do a bit more work on the template today and get our new blog looking good. :) This is our fitness and diet blog and there will be only that on this blog. It's to help me stay focused on my goals and also let Master Anakin what is going on with my day and feelings about the new rules and diet. Back to school is Tuesday so it's back to a lot of walking for me. I have not exercised yet today but I would like to go for a walk later. I'm trying to stick to my new diet but it's hard. I think I have the beginnings of PMS so I am having that overwhelming chocolate craving. LOL. To be honest...I would love to eat crap today but I am trying to be good. It's hard though.

The party is over on Saturday for alcohol so I am trying to figure out what to drink on Friday as it's my last one for a month. I know for some people not drinking for a month might be no problem but it will be a pretty big deal for me. I don't remember the last time I went one month without drinking. It kind of scares me a bit and makes me wonder if I have a problem with alcohol.

It's sunny out and I want to be lazy and sit on the porch for hours soaking up the sun and eat but I'm going to try to just have my diet coke and eat some fruit instead. I'm trying....I really am. This whole new diet and trying to get back on track is very hard...a real struggle.

May the force be with you!

~padme amidala

Small changes

I don't want to call it a diet, as diets always fail. I have to have faith that this is a lifestyle change. That said, I still have to lead my life and fit being healthy into all the other aspects of my life. I cannot, like I have in the past, make fitness the sole focus at the expense of the rest of my life; that leads to burnout, resentment, and failure. Balance is what's needed. Not obsession.

I think that many small changes over time, in all aspects of my health, will add up to success for me. This fat wasn't created in a day and it won't go away in a week. Think long term, small corrections to the journey called life. Long term means sticking with it, and small changes is how I'm going to do it.

I've switched from Coke (150 calories per can) to Coke Zero (0 calories per can). That small change by itself adds up to about 10 pounds by Christmas and 30 pounds over the course of a year. God! Now only to stick with it.

I'm not counting daily calories, though. I also have NO specific weight goal. Except LESS of course. That's new for me. I think it should help. I'm just reducing portions, eating better foods (less processed, less fat, less sugar, more fruits and veggies, a real simple approach), drinking better liquids, and increasing my physical activities.

30 more minutes walking done today. Didn't kill as much as yesterday, but that isn't saying much. And for Vancouver, it's a hot day. Feeling good, ready to fight the motivation demons I know come to visit once in a while.

Anakin

The first step is always the hardest

There I was, sitting on the couch, wondering about what was for desert, when in conversation with padme, it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. I'm out of shape, fat, really, and it's affecting many aspects of my life. A trip to the weigh scale upstairs confirmed the bad news. It's hard to get to this realization, and to also commit to doing something about it. How did I let it get this bad? Going over things wasn't helping, only confirming that I made many poor choices that have added up over time to this; it's the first step of a long road back to feeling fit, lean, and strong again. And in saying that, I must remember how being unfit has harmed many aspects of my life and how being fit will bring me many positive benefits in all aspects of my life. As padme said, our unhealthy habits aren't a way to live, they are a way to die.

So with a little fear and a lot of reasons, I started my Journey to the Lightside today. I fast-walked 30 minutes on my lunch break at work. It was hard, and it was nasty that it was that hard. It was a typical day one of a significant lifestyle change. I'm reminded that a journey of a thousand miles (or a large weight loss) begins with a single step, and that first step is always the hardest one.

Anakin